When the Light fades

I recently ran into an individual I knew who lives in a group home. some of my most cherished memories include getting to know her. I had not seen her in many many years, and at first I was so happy to have seen her. But as the days pasted I realized I was deeply sadden by something I had not seen. I had not seen the light, or the spark behind her eyes. the feisty free spirit who I once knew was gone. How could  she not of changed? I asked myself. of course she had it had been so very long since I saw her, I knew nothing of her life since the moment we said goodbye. I had changed , maybe she saw the same thing missing in me. until today I had held it in, but tonight I cried. Because I had seen that look in her eyes before, when she walked the halls of a place that had to be home with the other six hundred people who lived where she lived.  She looked defeated.

I know what I saw was a brief moment in time , in that brief moment though something became very clear to me, my whole life all of what I have done and worked toward and believed I was adding to a system of care is meaningless, if I continue to see the light fade in those once so spirited. Myself included.

For 25 years I have worked in the same field , every moment believing in the greater good of a system, or a staff group and in the rights and freedoms of those I felt I fought for. But that is just it, I fought for them, not with them. I see this amazing road ahead, I see a vision of a system not easy to get to, but it was not until tonight that I realized that instead of trying to blaze a path, we need walk together to the far off finish line, pushing uncomfortable boundaries, finding comfort in ideals and making those lights turn back on, by switching off apathy in those who provide care, determine plans, and write the rules. Instead of accepting what is.. We need to say what is needed to be and make difficult changes, together.  I no longer want to hear or say "that's the way it is" instead I only want to hear we can do this, and we can do it right this time.