Accepting ADHD and all the quirks of a superior IQ.

It was been 8 months since we had our suspicions confirmed that Emma has ADHD, and a very high IQ (seriously who knew the issues this could bring!). She also has the signs of Dyslexia.(is not formally diagnosed as yet because of age, but academic testing shows the discrepancy - but I already knew this, because I have it, and long ago suspected as she had very early signs and very early frustrations)

Emma is at the very core of who she is very loving, very sweet, very smart and very much loved. She was also a very , very , very good baby. And then she turned two , and all of a sudden this spitfire came out.. and she would have moments that were horrible, sensory explosions, avoidance of food and textures and sounds. (I still forget this sometimes now that we have seen some of benefits of all that work she as done, and head off to 3D movies..argh! ) The frustration would overwhelm her and she would lash out at the closest person or thing, at first it just seemed like assertiveness, and then it looked like bullying, now well now we understand the social awkwardness and the struggle to help her through it when it gets really tough for her. It does feel like fighting sometimes, and it is exhausting. Especially because when what everyone else caught glimpses of looked like we were easy parents who couldn't control our kids tantrums. AND everyone has advice for that!

Diagnosis young is key, we knew this, but it doesn't make you want to run out and get one, in fact in our case it meant we were going to fight "it" and each other  (not knowing what "it" really was) and we were going to make "it" go away, because of course everyone said she is fine. (But of course not her teachers or all the kids who got a good bite out of them, or us who dealt with the sensory meltdowns or the rigidity and defiance everyday) . Aspergers came to mind, and while it still is just outside our bubble right now, anyone who knows complex or atypical ADHD, you know that they share many core symptoms and there is in the future a likeliness that the diagnosis can change.

So we did what many parents do, we fought with each other, I read every book, every natural remedy, I looked and looked for answers, and I cried and screamed and yelled, because only a horrible parent could not control her child, why did she throw things at me, and plug her ears and simply meltdown when she got wet unexpectedly?Why was she good for her Dad, and Grandma and Aunt, it had to be me. It was my fault (or so I thought) I found every reason to blame myself and question every single decision I made, I went on holidays so it was my fault, I ate to much bacon etc. The worst part was that I very rarely asked for help, very few people knew how hard it was, on both Jay and I. How anyone could not know, just looking at  us? I know I can see the strain in our faces in old pictres, but when I look at pictures from our recent trip, I know we got through the hardest part (so far!) and we are good, and we still love each other a whole heck of a lot!

It was exhausting, and then we got the diagnosis, and it made sense, and it meant there could be some relief from the frustrations, and we could look how we parented her, how her brain works became a key part of knowing how to cope with her frustrations, and for someone as smart and as quirky as my girl, knowing when to let it go became very important ( all by BC BA pals, this is a key to family survival) Consistency, vitamins, a better diet, and yes medication have begun to make the world of difference. We are proud of her, we are proud of us, but it is hard. And every time we are reminded that she is quirky, or people forget that our life takes planning and patience, we crumble only a little and then get back at it. The slightest change no longer sets her into a spin, but transitions ( bigger ones like back to school ) or waiting and being disappointed, can set her off for days. So we have learned, that we don't tell her plans to far in advance, because it causes too much stress for her.

Honestly I am still sensitive to things she has overcome, to much food on her plate - she won't eat. Medication imbalances cause various behaviours to be more prodominent. To loud of noise, she doesn't handle well, or she will begin turning up all the sounds in the house. Like me, she is best when one on one, and small groups are okay but big events take a lot of work and can be tiring. ( this is a family trait - apple tree and all)
I get frustrated looks and comments sometimes from family and friends, and sometimes I need a push to make sure her rigidity does not become my own, but patience people. she has come leaps and bounds, and so have we..

When you haven't slept soundly for a few years, or at least through the night ( I hate night terrors and and night walking, and night time anxieties) and you always feel like someone is holding on to you,pushing on your hand, your face your body. It is not lack of wanting to cuddle your child , it is just wanting a minute to yourself. A lesson the gym gave me, that was way more valuable to my mental health then just my physical strength.
So why tell you all this, because I don't want parents to think they are alone. raising a child who is just "more" sensitive , "more" active, "more" defiant, "more" everything.. is hard and unless you do it every single day you have no idea. No one should be surprised by my need to keep this part of our life to myself, I too like my darling tend to keep stuff to myself until I explode.  But we have changed our minds, we are not ashamed of ADHD, we are better parents because of it. ADHD still has many lessons for us to learn, and it time will the label change , maybe but that isn't so scary any more.
I have learned in this experience.. we make mistakes as parents, we say and do things that are dumb, and we will mess up our kids, the same way our parents messed us up, and their parents before them back to the beginning of time -- cause seriously you should not be punished for eating an apple!(Tee hee - just kidding God!)

I am not ashamed of her "label" , her label saved our family from falling apart,  her "label" will be what helps us get the supports she needs, and remind us about what she needs from us, because like many of the great minds that came before hers - she has a simply wonderful ability to be creative , to read situtations and problems in  a very different way then many others do.. I have not doubt she will rise to every occasion, and become the very best of who she wishes to be.. in the mean time we will make sure she doesn't get wet when she should be dry, deal with the "no's" and fears the very best we can, appreciate that she is different with some people and cope with the fall out of change of expectations between people.
Because the time will come when she will be be captivated by something, and the beauty of single minded determination will shine through and she may very well change the world.

When she is all grown up and all these difficulties are gone or rather managable on her own, it will be because she did the work, she tried her very best, and she had two parents who took a toy to the head one or ten times, and  decided she was so very worth it. Because this part that once seemed so much a part of her, is really just a small part in her journey, and in who she is.. now she just spotted a bird with a blue tail so we are off to the Library .. a book about birds is in order.. gotta love a brilliant mind.