I am beautiful.. maybe one day I will belive the words

It is not easy being overweight, or not classically beautiful, or tall, or petite or whatever you most desire as a way to describe yourself. I have like most people at some point been  judged by the way I look, and I have judged others by the way they look. Neither is kind, neither is right. Even it I say she is or he is beautiful, if you have been described your whole life in that way, you may resent being defined by something you were born with not something you created or earned.

Today I was judged, and today I my feelings and self esteem were hurt.  A stranger on the street told me to move my fat gut out of the way or to suck in my fat gut, something along those lines. It stung just like it did when I was 12, and when I was 16 and when I was 25 and now at almost 40 it still stings. Karma might have been getting back at me for something, or maybe I am a lesson for someone else. Either way -- a lesson to learn.

How we treat each other, and the dignity and respect we should show to each other in this world is one of the only things we really have left to give freely . I know that 85% of the people walking around in this world have no desire to hurt my feelings, or make me feel bad because I do not look a certain way. I know all the logical responses, have said them when people I love have been hurt in this way.

I was so shocked I posted it on my facebook status, and my friends quick to my defence as I would be to theirs, reminded me there are jerks and that no one should make people feel that way. This made me feel better as they intended.

Linda was right though, in her comment when she said we tend to believe the unflattering about ourselves before we believe the good.

So to those I have judged friends, family and strangers. I am sorry.

To myself, I promise one day maybe I will believe the words of my husband ,  loved ones and friends. I am beautiful. Exactly as I am. And so are you.