When I first became a mom, I had NO idea what I was getting myself into. Really, I had no idea what it was about, I thought I did. I had no idea what to do. I thought I understood the whole dependant thing, the diapers, the bath etc. I didn't know what to expect. I did have lots of diapers, tons of onsies, breast pump, nursing pillows and had read a few books and thank heavens for amazing family and friends. And without a true need to say ... an amazing hubby.
The one thing I am learning, aside from realizing we don't have all the answers, and no book is better then what is in your heart :) Oh, and that $1000 dollar stroller is really all about you, and you don't need half the things you think you will, and the one thing you think you won't need, you will. We learn how to be a parent, a parent to our own child(ren). We can't be experts in how to raise all children, we can be experts in parenting strategies, parenting styles.. but we are only experts at being parents to our own kids.
I know it is cliche to say you don't know what it is like to be a parent, until you have a child. I believe that some people love their animals as much as if they were their children, and they love their neices and nephews or friends children. These are all amazing relationships, but being a parent to your child (no matter how they come into your life by birth , adoption , or marriage ) it is different, it does not make these others less full of love, but it is different.
I have the pleasure of watching my friends have babies, listen to them talk about their teenagers, and even talk about their fully grown adult children. The common thread is they too are still learning how to be parents.
When I say to my mom " I can't believe how fast Emma is growing, how fast time flies" she will smile or laugh and say, wait until she goes off to college, or falls in love, or when she has a friendship you are not a part of, or has her own children. And that is when it hits me, you are always learning how to parent your child, right until the very end. You adapt to their needs, their wants, adjust dependant levels, teach them how to succced, be with them when they fail. Accept when they don't need you as much, and maybe wait for when they do again, and knowing the entire time that as Elizabeth Stone said " to have a child is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside of your body".
I never thought of parenting as a life long lesson for us; her parents. I always framed it in my head differently - more like lessons of life for her.I have learned more lessons about me, in learning to be her mom. We know what it takes to be a good parent, we know what skills we need to make sure they are well taken care of. But it is in the application of those skills that we do the learning.
Waving cheerfully goodbye to the diaper stage, I moved hopefully into the toddler years.. loving the way she listened and did everything she was asked. ..Loving the portability of the stroller life. Terrified by the night terrors and wonder how the heck those happen..missing the stroller basket on shopping days.. laughing at the attempts of very long words in the preschool years. debating on vacines (even when I knew the evidence). struggling with temper tantrums, searching for reason behind every behaviour ... then realizing lots of kids do it. Hating the JK teacher just because she had my baby all day and dare say she wasn't perfect! Lack of sleep.. lack of energy or any sense of style in my life... to SK , finding more time for me ... going to the gym and being healthier for me, but also for her .. realizing I have a child now who is going into grade one.. and knowing I only have 13 more years before she heads out in to the world on her own as an adult... from diapers to lunchbox, and I have learned way more then I thought I could in five and a half years, my mom was right.. just wait for what is coming! I am not even half the parent I gotta grow into!
So to all my friends in what ever stage of parenting you are in be it the hopeful dream, the pending arrival, the university student, or about to marry son or daughter... good luck on your journey, and let me know how it goes! I keep you posted on mine!
As a PS to all you soon to be parents... no not all your non parent friends will hang around waiting for you to get to the point you are ready to go out without your kids.. but some will , and remember to cherish them too, to care for that part of yourself that does belong to the world of "no kids allowed".. however you celebrate yourself and your friendships, you don't have to create a life that doesn't include the people who knew you before your life became a crazy schedule of who picks up when, and other playdate madness, and they don't have to like hanging out with your kid, they choose you.
Melanie
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