LIVE
To pursue a positive, satisfying existence; enjoy life.
I have Dyslexia, I have known about it most of my life, in the earlier years the testing on Eglington Ave eye clinic to find is there was a problem with my sight, and then the hearing tests that said I was a selective listener. I even remember the speech sessions at sick kids and I know I was young. My odd memory traits - the ability to remember anything I experienced, but not the sequences or dates. An intelligent girl who did not test well, confused teachers back then! Until one thought to ask me the questions and test me differently. I think the "zone out" tendencies tended to bug people - especially when in either stressful situations or courses where I was not interested, or overwhelmed.
I still get dizzy when I read when tired and books can look like jumbled alphabet soup when extremly tired. My speech to this day ( one of my biggest frustrations still) is at times halting, I often become frustrated when trying to put my thoughts into speech, I drop words, transpose them and one of the things I do is think with emotions and visuals which can get me into trouble! Everyone knows you are suppose to think then react with thought - but sometimes people just don"t have that filter and emotional reactively rears its head .. it can be frustrating, because you know immediately after that you did it.
The worse run over of the Dyslexia, is the low self esteem related to school and whatever else it attached itself to in my life. Most days I don't think about it anymore, until stressed or tired - then the symptoms I have managed, become unmanageable. It starts with jumbled thoughts - and in the days of emails and social networking, it shows up on my screens. If I don't address it , it then becomes rapid thoughts and hyperactivity.. moving on emotional bursts I cannot control, then desperately trying to figure out why my mindis on hyper drive, and then realization --Light Bulb ! Oh I am stressed out and my mind can't make sense of some things.. time to stop and refocus. I don't think about it much of the time, because it just is a part of who I am, and I forget about it too, seriously I simply forget I have dyslexia.. but then I do remember and it provides comfort when I realize I know how to start to turn it all around again. A few changes, and confidence returns and I move forward.
So in all of this where is the beauty? My ability to see patterns in light, observant of others and the environment. I often see things many others over look, my creative problem solving. My ability to sleep crazy deep sleep ( bet you didn't know that was a trait of dyslexia) My memory of life events and experiences.. the details of my life. I take for granted my long term memory -- I can recall sounds, places, experiences and people as if they are right there. I can walk down Rue du Rivoli in my mind when I think of Paris. I can picture a beloved childhood toy because I see it clearly, be it a pizza hut easy bake pizza oven or the Cookie Monster pull string toy (Which hubby actually found on ebay and bought based on my description circa 1975)
I remember my grandfathers voice, and face and have very clear memories of time spent with him even though he has been gone for more then twenty five years.I remember the first boy I kissed in grade one his name was Lee. I remember riding a swing at the lake with my sister at Bonnie boats when I was three, I remember the wallpaper in the first appartment we had when we moved to the city ( horrible newspaper print - sorry mom I know it was expensive!). I remember holding hands with my little best friend Johnnie pulling a wagon of vegetables down by the lake.-- I see these images in my head like they are happening.
So while I work through stress, and deal with lifes ups and downs, and try to find commonalitiesin the world so I can process and cope -- I figure a few incorrectly spelled words, a bit of hyperactivity and sometimes unrealistic expectations of myself -- these are well worth what I get in addition to those things.
I hold on to people and places that I experience.. that is the beauty of my dyslexia .. I remember things about you forever...
3 comments:
Dyslexia runs in my family too--I studied it when I was teaching, and worked with a number of kids who had it. I know with autism, my older son's Asperger's diagnosis really helped me move away from wanting a "cure" for my younger, more severe kid to recognizing that in many ways this disorder makes them who they are, and what we really need is just to target those areas that hold them back from living an independent life. Without the Asperger's, my older kid wouldn't be the funny, eccentric little professor that he is, and that would be such a shame. It's easy sometimes to just see the disabilty, but sometimes these challenges are a blessing in disguise!
That's just beautiful! I may have to read parts of what you've written to some of my students who struggle with their dyslexia. Thank you for sharing such an intimate part of yourself!
awesome post. lucky me though, i got in person version of these thoughts! <3
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