To become connected; join or unite.
Recently I have been mulling over few things, and finding answers to basic questions I have about myself. And it got me thinking. I have a pattern in life of "observing" and "mimmicking" some of the behaviours, actions, etc. of those I care about or spend time with.
This is a very normal part of relationship development, the more intimate you are with another person, or the more connected you are you will "mirror" each other. This happens to best friends, siblings, good friends, and of course partners, and I imagine even with coworkers. I think sometimes this for me, is what can create a feeling of "lost".
When I was twenty eight, going through divorce from my first husband, who I had spent at that time a third of my life with. I realized that I was lost in some of that. I watched a movie at that time called Runaway bride, staring Julia roberts - there is a part of the movie where Julia's character prepares ten different type of eggs - from scrambled to fried, poached etc. Each time she had been with someone she had changed the way she had her eggs prepared to the way the partner at the time ate his. During that scence at that moment of grief. I realized that I too had done that. I had taken on his likes and dislikes - and lost mine along the way. BTW - I like poached over hard - not fried. I spent a year really finding out what it is that I liked, what I loved and what really was important in my mind.
Now a all these years later, happily married ( to a man who loves omlettes - which are not my favourite!) and mommy to an awesome kid ( who hates eggs!) I am exploring and creating an updated version of me. I have many fantastic traits, I have some crappy traits too.. this time though, I have my head on straight, I am full of love not grief and I am not searching, or creating because I have to, I am doing it because I want to.. I love getting older. It gives you so much more perspective.
So a bit of rambling thoughts today - but life doesn't always give me an edit button!
Melanie Jane V.38 --- wonder what I will figure out -- connecting to me!
3 comments:
hmmmm not too sure i agree that you have crappy traits. one of the things i like best about you is that you are a work in progress.
you are TERRIFIC and still striving everyday to be better and better and better for YOU and no one else. that is amazing!
This post totally speaks to me. I've been married to my husband for almost 14 years and I still find myself sometimes making decisions based on whether or not he'd approve, rather than if it's a good decision for me. This is something I think I'm finally becoming more conscious of and trying to break away from.
I think I like being a work in progress. What would I ever have to think about or work on if I was perfect?!
sometimes it is so easy to give away yourself to make it easier in family life, in life in general. I think that can be amazing to realize what we enjoy is seperate and distintic from everyone else...
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