The other side..

I have tried a number of times to write this entry about the fall festival I worked on, and what a success for the families that came out and enjoyed the day it was. But each time I do, I start writing about the staff, their commitment and the side of the special needs story that many people who do not work in the field don't see.

So since this is the view that wants to come out, here it is. (good and bad here so heads up)

Dedicated staff within the field of developmental services  are not hard to find. People who choose to be educated in a field  and do work that most of society feel entitled to (social services) , show little care or support for - are for the most part - truly there for the families they work with, to help and to teach and support.  Now that is not to say there is not a large group of people who just "do" the job or are burnt out. Because there is.

When I was in collage ( ever so long ago) the program lead said " if you make it in this field for the first five years without being burnt out, you are meant to be in this field." He was right. He also commented on the wages being crap as well - He was right. Unless you are in the Ministry that represents your services, or you are a CEO (previously Executive Director) you will never make over $100,000.00 dollars, even when some have spent that on schooling trying to get to those positions ( the average person I work with has a minimum Masters level education, is certified in some association and working on their PhD. - this however is not necessarily the norm outside of ASD and outside of  Ontario) Oh  many  people accuse you of getting too much because you work for the government (which is not accurate really at all for most, many work in Non-profit)

You will over your average job path do the following ( and without complaint, this is not complaining just stating facts)

• Feed someone through a tube
• Change diapers - across the age of a lifespan
• Be hurt physically by aggressive clients - and be told it is part of your job - even when they break your nose, choke you or even knock you out. Many will have torn knees ligaments, and bad backs
• not as bad now as historically, but you will be stared at, insulted and if you work in the community group home setting -  neighbours may actually verbally abuse you - for are you ready - caring about the inclusive RIGHTS of a person with special needs ( mental health, developmental or physical)
• You will be subjected to various bodily fluids - and will be expected to keep a rational mind and spirit when you are asked to clean a room an adult has smeared feces all over.
• You will work the shifts in a group home, a day treatment program, and think at times well guess I could have been a doctor on call - I have the same hours.
• You will be told by some families you don't care enough
• You will be told by some families you care too much
• You will be expected to have your wage cut because someone thought it was the best way to give service to another person, or because a new party is elected into government.
• You will defend your vacation time (which has evolved for some agencies to include mental health days - because do not underestimate the impact on the mental health  working in the field can have.
  The death of a client who you have worked with for years, or the exhaustion caring for verbally aggressive, mentally challenging a client can be)
• You may be the main source of love and affection for someone who you are paid to spend time with, all within the boundaries and expectation of care.
• You may feel that you never give enough, do enough but you also have your own family to care and support, and if you fight for your own employment rights you will be harshly judged by the community.
• you will be called the devil for your decisions and then told you have the patience of a saint

Like in many professions you can go on and on, but the hardest part I have ever experienced, is being told I don't care enough about someone else's child. While unknown to that parent, I spent countless hours of my own time away from my own family trying to find supports and funds to help her child. She never knew the lengths I went to secure funding for her, or to find unheard of levels of respite - not once did I flinch as she threw verbal daggers at me - because I know - that no matter how challenging my feelings of frustration may be - hers out way mine - her needs are greater then mine. Because at five o'clock I have the option to turn it off - she doesn't.

I work with families because I want to, because I feel I have something to share - I am not obliged to, nor are they entitled to my every thought or effort.  I feel appreciated, I have won awards, participated in studies and truely feel that I have helped participate in the evolution of my field. (this is very "I" driven right now - please excuse) But once in a blue moon, it would be nice if one of the families who expect rather then accept my support - realized all that we see and deal with to.

For every strong family I have worked with I have also seen:

• Abused and neglected children and adults
• Parents grief that so overwhelms them they do not have the ability to provide for their child
• lack of interest in thier child, so much so that the disorder is happening to them not their child ( and this is in the adult years)
• hate - pure hate directed at the individual with special needs
• over burdened siblings
• Mentally unstable family members
• Struggled with telling parents that they themselves may benefit from support ( not easy )
• a parent learn for the first time that their child has additional difficulties outside the ones they already knew of
• watched as a parent accpeted severity of a disorder was not going to change over time
• witness to complete loss of hope, with expectation I can somehow fix things

Clearly I didn't know all this when I first started in this field, I have learned so much from every life that has contacted mine down this career path, and I am grateful beyond words - every person has helped me become who I am and added to my appreciation of life -- so while I rant - I would not change a thing... even
the poop smeared walls!

Be grateful, life is what it is - messy and full of so much humanity