So I am working a little right now on me, on my parenting style, on my life and on who I am.. We all know I believe you don't find yourself, you create yourself. So I am working on it.. I am doing this because, slowly I am learning, some great lessons is life.. they may be struggles but they are great lessons none the less.
Hard choices, sometimes lead to such wonderful relief..some to more stress. But these are the wonderful moments I must learn to cherish - you see I have an optimistic mind, an open spirit and most of the time a kind heart. But in evaluating myself - I have become aware of a few things about myself that I don't like.
For example, I don't like that I am a hover parent -- always watching always worrying, always over protecting - and I am learning to step back when I need to , but also being more assertive in other areas. - such a balancing act this whole parenting thing is! Because of what I do for a living I finally have to admit I am hyper aware - of everything, every twitch, every behaviour -- so much so I have at times lost sight of childhood fun. Thankfully when I get like this and I don't know, I have people who I trust who point it out, or who flat out tell me to relax.. but this is my problem - yes I have stress, but I am not sure relaxation is what I need.
I think in some areas (definitely not all!) I am uptight - especially around controlling things, including my behaviour, my child's behaviour and in following rules -- all of them. Is this me being controlling or me following rules.
So am I uptight or stressed out, am I rule governed or controlling??? I don't know - and while I know I can think myself to death over the whole thing.. I don't want to. Which in itself is progress. I guess I have to laugh at myself -- so I am going to let you laugh alongside me -- I am going to tell you rules I don't break ( or at least very rarely)
Some non life threatening rules, i don't break .. maybe breaking these will be my first start to lightening up!
1. When I smoked ( been 1.5years now) I would never smoke in bus shelters even when it was -40 and no one else was around - not even the bus. Nor would I smoke anywhere were I was not allowed to, or shouldn't. Ever. (now I can't break this rule - and I don't think I ever would, but I see people do this all the time!)
2. I don't take the tags of the pillows -- okay so I broke this recently (for the first time EVER) - you know those tags that say it is against the law to take them off - they come on pillows, mattress etc. Well never EVER took them off - until I recently read - until purchased - then took a bunch of them off!
3. The 8 items or less line -- now I have gone over once or twice -- but usually it has been when I miscounted - so I apologize to everyone, then end up saying thank you a hundred times.
4. Crazy one - Always wear clean white underwear -- I always wear clean underwear - but into my twenties they were always white -- seems I can be very literal - my mom always told me to wear clean underwear - so I assumed she meant white ones! you know in case you get into an accident!
5. Never bud in line, or take a turn before you it is actually your turn -- now this drives my hubby mad - you see I will let people go in front of me always.. I get frustrated because people bud in front of me all the time - and I never say anything.
( side note craziness - I will go in front of people if it is through doors, I have a weird obsession about that! - started when I was in my twenties, weird going through the door first, means if something is wrong, I know first and can shove others back. I have learned to deal with this somewhat , now it is more person specific)
6. I know the rules of eating at functions, and follow them. Never eat before the bride and groom begin, always eat from the last fork out to in, put your napkin in your lap. Stand when appropriate, and never make a show of yourself when celebrating someone else - they are centre stage.
now some would say these are great general society rules, but remember - I follow them to a tee ( have relaxed somewhat) there is no gray area. T|his is 6 off the top of my head --- imagine carrying all this with you all the time. It can be tiring. My dear friend Dawne said to me I was someone who always worries about what other people with this or judgement they will provide. - BANG ON correct. But it isn't just close friends, and family that I apparently care about, complete strangers too, So this is my question -- Am I rule governed? or Controlling - uptight or Stressed out?
Still reading fifty things to get rid of-- I think my list should include outdated rules and behaviour guidelines -- I want to lighten up -- this will definitely help!
So for my lighten up moment today - a picture I took of a beautiful flower in my garden!
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